Gift: Baby drawings

December 27, 2017 TD

Was gifted some pieces from some up n coming talent for Christmas! My niece and nephew drew. I've hung these above my desk where I can admire them when I need inspiration!

Sketching: Peonies

June 28, 2017 TD

If you've been reading my blog you know my past month was loaded with bread-and-butter, church and family festivities. I came out mentally and emotionally drained so I didn't have enough energy to dive into my current pieces. Nevertheless, I've been religious in sketching.

Protecting my sketch time is crucial to my art the way practicing a violin is important to a violinist. Additionally, going to "work" consistently rather than waiting for inspiration keeps me thinking rationally and boosts my confidence. Going without sketching for long periods of time really dings my ability to communicate visually and to create fluidly.

*Pen sketches showing how rusty I was when I first started sketching peonies, recently.*

Here's some recent peony sketches. I'm studying aging peonies. I'm interested in observing the aging appearance of the camellia next because they'll be in a piece I am currently working on. I wanted to give myself a confidence boost by studying the flower I felt was more complex, first. Some of these blossoms took an hour individually. Each one required time staring at reference photos and videos.

Fortunately, it does look like things are on the up and up and I should be back at it with my bigger pieces, soon.

Winter 2005: Cold Air

May 29, 2017 TD

This memory-based work in progress is in it's earliest stages. I want to start building the central points of the memory right from the first brush strokes of the background/base.

In my mind's eye, there's some very vivid visuals in this memory:

An electric, living, blueish darkness. I'm layering washes, texture and color to achieve this multi-dimensional darkness.
Rushing, horizontal movement. I'm applying most of my color in horizontal strokes.

This piece is about one of my favorite memories of my dad. It had to do with him being completely courageous and fighting for me in the face of a seemingly hopeless and dire situation.

I thought it would be good to start this piece as Father's Day approaches. I don't plan to gift it to my father but this is a good time to reflect on one's gratefulness for their father.

Winter 2016: Walks

May 26, 2017 TD

DETAIL: Winter 2016: Walks (IN PROGRESS) - My fingerprints are seen here.

In this work in progress, I'm giving visual form to a theme I've never actually seen with my own eyes: my faith.

I am a Christian and I feel I have a deep and personal relationship with my God. Much like in other deep relationships, I sometimes allow myself to float from my beloved.

In Winter 2016, I was bitter over a relentlessly painful twisted pelvis causing life altering, sometimes bed-ridden pain for almost two years. The best parts of my day alone would sometimes be the walks I took. At such times, I allowed myself to feel empowered in my physical progress and I allowed myself to feel the presence of an entity that I could not see or feel.

The challenge of creating this piece is not only to create a visual language for what is unseen, but to reflect a recurring experience rather than a singular moment. I am trying to distill a certain feeling I had repeatedly through changing seasons rather than a single occurrence.

These memories are all very personal and the frames of images create a different narrative for me than they would create for any other viewer. I like the idea that my fingerprints literally create some of this imagery. I create finger paint "washes" in these progress photos.

Spring 2002: First Time I Saw Justin

May 19, 2017 TD

I travel space and time.

I think we all do. As you sit and read, time passes through you- an imperceptible but relentlessly strong current. It won't stop for you just because you sit there. You're traveling time.

We travel space. Yes, we are literally hurtling through space on this little blue marble of a planet. We inhabit actual physical space, too. We move through it as we get up and walk. We can stand in the same physical space we stood in years ago and not be within the same spot in time the way we are within the same spot in physical space.

I believe it's a miracle that I inhabit the same speck of time and space as the man I love. We have been in love since 2003... married since 2015. This work in progress is a study of the exact time and physical space we inhabited when I first saw him.

Through this piece, I'm exploring how my mind makes and keeps memories. I'm recording the few but often revisited visuals my mind recalls from that very short moment. I'm learning about how my mind organizes color, assigns value to simultaneous stimuli and amplifies recurring narratives into memories and my perception of history.

I'm fascinated with using commonplace traditional media such as paper, acrylic paint, colored pencil and glitter paint in my work. I also am interested in finger-painting and in using pure colors. There's something freeing about taking crayons straight from the crayola box and coloring the way I child would by focusing on association and content rather than exact color replication. Working in this way frees me from feeling I must meet public high brow medium standards. With these barriers gone, I can more freely explore my memories and mental color organization.

August 2014 : When Grandma Died

May 3, 2017 TD

This work in progress is about the moment I heard my paternal grandmother died.

Forcefully replaying this memory is ...weird. This piece has a strong hand in shaping my future perception of the memory it is based on. While the piece is in progress, I don't discuss the memory with people who were there. I don't want witness accounts blurring with mine...

But blurring happens. Fictional and romantic notions creep in, shaping both my painting and my memory. I realize I not only want my piece to appear visually pleasing to the viewer, but to my future self. I actually accept this act of poetic license the way a writer is emboldened by journaling. As long as the inconsistencies in my work were written by my mind, I'm okay with inconsistencies because memories are never consistent. Where once I feared making this picture would sully my sacred thoughts, I now find it empowers me.

Using references for this piece in progress.

As one who struggles with depression, I treasure this feeling of empowerment over my own perception. I accept the fears and the pain I cannot master. I invite them to speak or perform until I understand and respect them.

There are wrenching memories outside of this one I know I'll try to paint, someday. When I do, I will be the ringmaster of my own mind. I can't control the world around me but I can control the way my mind perceives what happens to me.

August 2014 : When Grandma Died ... IN PROGRESS — August 2014 : When Grandma Died ... IN PROGRESS

It is emotionally intense creating pieces like these. I've required breaks from creating this one because I miss my grandmother or I feel the weight of death passing from one generation to the next. It's difficult to work on other pieces directly after touching this but breaks are necessary not just to let me breathe, but to allow the piece to breathe. My present moments need to shape the pure pictures of my past. To me, replaying certain memories doesn't diminish their quality but adds to their value.

These pieces aren't themselves my past, but ever-present places in my mind. I can never stop revisiting the day my grandmother died. Even if I never started this painting, the memory will live, breathe and evolve with me until I also pass on.